last evening
i stood in front of the
kitchen sink & thought:

i'm going to do this one thing right
i'm going to hate myself
so good tonight that
the devil won't bother me anymore &
jesus & my mom
will finally wink at me and say:
hey—you get it!—

i'll hate myself
so good tonight that
tomorrow won't need to come

& i said out loud:
"i hate myself
i hate myself—
there"

then i made some dinner

i made some barbecue sauce
& this was sauce
you
could taste
in your tear ducts
in your sweat glands
at the base of your spine

you had to put it on your
lettuce & your ice cream
when the chicken was all eaten

you had to sit outside & lick
the last of it from your
dark red fingers & white plate
while the sun set on the patio table
& no mosquitoes came
but just one taste of it

could save your life